The Moms Of The Miss USA 2020 Contestants
2020 has taken a lot from us: social events, the ability to travel to see loved ones and, at times, even a basic sense of health and security. But something 2020 didn’t rob from us is the Miss USA pageant! While other organizations threw in the towel early this year, the Miss Universe Organization pivoted and made sure that contestants didn’t miss out on their opportunity to compete. So far be it for me to deprive you of my yearly review of the Miss USA Preliminary Competition!
It was tough picking a theme for this year. I usually stream the prelims at 3AM (when it airs in Germany) with an oversized glass of red wine to aid in the creative process. But this year, I’m pregnant which meant no drinking for me.
But worry not, I prevailed over my writers block. I can’t tell you where the idea came from (maybe it’s the hormones)… but I present to you: The Moms of the Miss USA 2020 Contestants!
Now let me start this off by saying that moms are the best. I think they should be a protected class and only fellow moms who have walked in their shoes should be able to critique them. Well, as I’m 20.5 weeks pregnant, I consider myself more than halfway towards becoming a mom. So I’m going to take the liberty of including myself in the mom group and therefore give myself the freedom to make mom jokes. Now that that’s out of the way, here we go.
Have you ever met someone and known instantly who raised them? Based off of these contestant’s introductions, swimsuit and gown presentations, here are my best guesses at the Moms behind them:
The Moms of the Miss USA 2020 Contestants
1. Wyoming:
Wyoming’s Mom:
Wyoming’s mom is a freelance artist who specializes in reclaimed wood and marine debris. She probably makes her own candles, believes in the healing powers of essential oils and thinks pageants exploit women. But she supports her daughter so she drove to Graceland in a hatchback powered by waste cooking oil.
Her response if her daughter doesn’t make the finals:
2. California:
California’s Mom:
Given the current political climate, I was not at all surprised to learn that California decided not the play her “Trump card” and let us know that she is, in fact, the President’s daughter. She doesn’t need preferential treatment because she had a really, really great performance in prelims, the best, really terrific – the other performances… real losers, the worst ever in history. Ask anyone. They all know and everyone agrees. She’s in.
California and her mom walking out of Graceland if she doesn’t win:
Louisiana
Louisiana’s Mom:
Louisiana is perfect, just like her Real Housewives of Baton Rouge mom. Louisiana’s Mom was the Prom Queen and now works as a medical doctor (with a backup law degree), who volunteers on the side to save puppies from local shelters and has a 3 course dinner on the table by 6PM for the whole family. Her new cosmetics line: “GWTW Fabulous” (coming to Sephora in 2021) is waterproof just in case you can’t twirl away from a renegade cocktail toss.
Miss USA is just a stepping stone for her daughter, so if she doesn’t make the finals, it just means she has more time for her Fulbright Scholar application.
Oklahoma
Oklahoma’s Mom:
Oklahoma’s mom was on Homecoming Court in 1985. Now that her daughter is Queen B at school, she’s wants her daughter’s friends to know that she’ll still got it. She chaperones coed parties and might even make an appearance for beer pong. She’s not a regular mom, she’s Miss Oklahoma USA’s mom.
If her daughter doesn’t bring it back to the Sooner State, she’s more than willing to console her daughter’s boyfriend.
Virginia
Virginia’s Mom:
Virginia’s mom is an Elite Team Leader for a pyramid sch… multi level marketing company. As a #GirlBoss, she’s taught her daughter the power of networking. Armed with 50 “sisterhood sample bags” (complete with her business card – they’re pink and scented!), Virginia is excited about the prospect of gaining several new victi… Boss Babes for Team Sparkle. “She’s on track – to earn her free Cadillac – it’s Virginia!”
The pressure is on for her daughter to win – her Executive Senior Director status depends on it.
Arizona
Arizona’s Mom:
Arizona’s mom has a body sculpted by the hand of God. And has no idea how unbelievably hot she is. She’s passed on this oblivious gene to her daughter. They turn heads wherever they go and always wonder why people are staring at them. Do they have spinach in their teeth?
She’s a little worried about an all-female judging panel at Miss USA, because oddly enough, they never seem to connect with women even though men are SO NICE to them!
Ohio
Ohio’s Mom:
Ohio’s mom is rich… like really rich. Between the empire she built on her own and her strategic marriages over the years, she’s loaded. And she doesn’t believe in being discreet with her wealth. Her motto: “More is more, baby.” She even shelled out to get this model to pose with her daughter’s send off luggage to make sure they got the right shot.
She’s convinced her daughter is the next Miss USA because her Sherri Hill gown was customized with fringe strands of real diamonds. What’s a sponsorship package?
Alaska:
Alaska’s Mom:
Alaska’s mom is from California and used to compete in pageants herself but never made it to Miss USA before aging out. After a series of failed Mrs. pageants attempts (and now determined that her daughter would make it to the big show), she moved their family to the remote Alaskan fisherman’s town of Ketchikan. Armed her new title: Mrs. Deer Mountain American Princess and her daughter as Miss Alaska USA, she is currently planning a Mommy and me Fadil shoot.
If Alaska doesn’t come home with the crown, it’s okay, because there’s only really room for one queen in the house anyway.
I hope you enjoyed this year’s All-in with Allyn review of the Miss USA 2020 Preliminary Competition. I wish all of the contestants (and their moms) luck!
XOXO, Allyn
