I See What You Did There: Miss USA 2019 Look-A-Likes
It’s that time of year again, folks! The Super Bowl of American beauty is upon us – – the Miss USA pageant. For those of you new to All-in with Allyn, many moons ago, I had the privilege of representing Maryland in the 2011 Miss USA pageant. I’ve been hooked ever since. And each year, I Monday-morning-quarterback my way through the preliminary competition, and this year is no different! I am currently living in Frankfurt, Germany and the time difference makes watching my favorite pageants a bit challenging – but I persevere! It may have been the 3AM wakeup call, it may have been the wine, but I found myself comparing this year’s contestants to a myriad of household goods, exotic animals and obscure celebrities. So, I present to you, All-in with Allyn’s I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE: Miss USA 2019 Look-A-Likes:
FLORIDA: Charmin Value Pack
Look, I’m a writer, and I know that inspiration can strike anywhere, often when and where we least expect it. “The Shower Principle” is a term scientists use to describe moments of inspiration when the brain is distracted from the problem at hand. It seems as though Florida also found inspiration in the bathroom. I see what you did there.
SOUTH CAROLINA: Foot Aquarium
Every year, shorter contestants do their best to stand out amongst a crowd of glamazons. That’s a tall order. It often comes in the form of these lucite stripper heels. They think we won’t notice. Well, South Carolina, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
MASSACHUSETTS: Miss Macedonia
Massachusetts reminded me of a better looking, less-insane version of my favorite pageant contestant of all time: Miss Macedonia Grand International 2015. She oozed the same kind of “Bitch, I’m fabulous” Elvira aesthetic. Some background: Miss Macedonia, during the evening gown competition, threw up gang signs (might have been a failed hand heart, might have been Illuminati), spread her arms like a circus ringmaster and did the pageant equivalent of a crip walk.
But don’t take my word for it – watch for yourself.
MINNESOTA: As Herself
Minnesota wasn’t taking any risks at her look-a-like being lost in translation. Her name is Cat and she dressed as, well, a cat. I see what you did there.
VERMONT: Meghan Markle
Every regular old American girl had butterflies after hearing of the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. She’s one of us! If it happened to her, it could happen to me! Vermont took this a little too seriously in what I can only describe as a peacock-ing mating call for Prince Charming.
MARYLAND: Sexy Taxi
Maryland drove through the competition as one of the strongest performances of the night, perhaps because she was dressed like a sexy taxi. But don’t worry, Maryland, you’re in good company with former Miss Universe and Social Media darling, Olivia Culpo who, after some googling, was also recently (and quite literally) compared to a “sexy taxi” in the press.
Ohio: The Easter Bunny
Hoping that the judges want to pinch her wittle cheeks. Alice doesn’t photoshop any of her photos because she’s the cutest bunny rabbit I ever did see there!
NEW HAMPSHIRE: Candy Apple
New Hampshire gave “looking like a snack” a new meaning. I see what you did there.
NORTH CAROLINA: Diana Ross Realness
If you’re going to channel anyone, you channel the queen! North Carolina, you nailed it. I see what you did there.
Florida… again: Lucille Bluth
Florida is looking for bonus points, hoping that someone on the judges panel is an Arrested Development fan. Channeling Lucille Bluth’s wink, I see what you did there.
IDAHO: Someone’s Home Depot Backsplash Sample – But Make It Fashion
There’s something I really like about Idaho, she’s got a nice feng shui about her.
WELL FOLKS, that about does it! I hope you enjoyed this year’s edition of my Miss USA Preliminary Competition review – I hope you enjoyed it! And sending a big GOOD LUCK to each of the 51 incredible women competing in this year’s show. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there… and to be compared to inanimate objects by has-beens like myself. You are all beautiful! It is truly one of the strongest fields of women in years and I cannot wait to see who walks away with the title!
Until next time, XOXO Allyn
Photo Credits: Carly Oz of Pageant Update and the Miss Universe Organization
